Next week will mark 4 months since I moved across the country to Arizona. I might as well say it – Every day I question WTF am I doing here?? Why do I do this stuff to myself? I love to push myself out of my comfort zone and then when I do I wonder why I’m making life so difficult for myself? Well, I’m here. And I told myself I’d give it at least a year… I told my sister that too. This was the conversation during one of my last days in NJ:
Sister: So we already want you to come home so how long do you think you’ll be staying out there?
Me: ummmmm… I’m not really sure – I haven’t thought of it like that. I feel like it’s like getting married – you don’t go into it thinking you’ll get a divorce.
Sister: But what if you get out there and you hate it and want to come home… what will you do?
Me: I’ll at least give it a year! I want to know what it feels like to live in a warm climate through the winter!
So then I got here. And I think I like it, but I’m not sure. People are different. They vote for Trump. (I guess a lot of people do, secretly.) Drivers are different. Everything is different. So what have I been doing to adapt? I seek out every east coast, NJ/NY/PA person I can find and cling to them. Well, not really – but kinda.
A friend of mine told me to join Tinder. So I did. And every guy that I talk to has lived at least part of his life on the east coast. Talking to people who are from the east coast is so comforting. Flipping through their pics and seeing familiar things fills my brain with oxytocin. I’m not sure if that’s true, but I feel comforted by doing that. I have a student who is from New York and I love talking to her. I asked her where she went to get her hair done and the guy who did it is from NY – PERFECT. So today, I went to get my hair done by a guy from NY recommended from a girl from NY. I hope this is normal. It’s my safety blanket. If you’re from NY I won’t feel like an alien when I talk to you. I’ll get you. I miss familiarity and I think that is the biggest struggle. NOTHING is familiar.
I look at pics from when I was living in the Bronx – I didn’t really love living in the Bronx, but when I look at the pics I think “oh the Bronx! I wonder what I’d be doing if I lived in the Bronx right now.” I’d be miserable! I wanted a change. I was tired of New York – the only reason why I look back with awe is because it’s familiar.
The house that I’m living in is in Phoenix and is kinda far from everything so I’ve been contemplating moving to a new place. An opportunity to move to Scottsdale came up and I’m thinking of jumping on it. And as I’m thinking about it, I realized I’m going to miss this house. I’ve got a whole lot of room. I became friends with the girls here. The dogs one of my roommates dogsits are so cute and I love seeing them every so often. But I have to remind myself – I hate the drive. I hate being far from everything. I’ve been wanting to live in Scottsdale since I interviewed here because that’s where I stayed during my interview – I have to try it out. Who knows – maybe better things await? I’ll never know unless I try – if I made it out this far – I might as well keep trying.