Arizona, Conversations, Deep thoughts

Adapting

Next week will mark 4 months since I moved across the country to Arizona.  I might as well say it – Every day I question WTF am I doing here??  Why do I do this stuff to myself?  I love to push myself out of my comfort zone and then when I do I wonder why I’m making life so difficult for myself?  Well, I’m here.  And I told myself I’d give it at least a year… I told my sister that too.  This was the conversation during one of my last days in NJ:

Sister: So we already want you to come home so how long do you think you’ll be staying out there?

Me:  ummmmm… I’m not really sure – I haven’t thought of it like that.  I feel like it’s like getting married – you don’t go into it thinking you’ll get a divorce.

Sister:  But what if you get out there and you hate it and want to come home… what will you do?

Me:  I’ll at least give it a year!  I want to know what it feels like to live in a warm climate through the winter!

So then I got here.  And I think I like it, but I’m not sure.  People are different.  They vote for Trump.  (I guess a lot of people do, secretly.)  Drivers are different.  Everything is different.  So what have I been doing to adapt?  I seek out every east coast, NJ/NY/PA person I can find and cling to them.  Well, not really – but kinda.

A friend of mine told me to join Tinder.  So I did.  And every guy that I talk to has lived at least part of his life on the east coast.  Talking to people who are from the east coast is so comforting.  Flipping through their pics and seeing familiar things fills my brain with oxytocin.  I’m not sure if that’s true, but I feel comforted by doing that.  I have a student who is from New York and I love talking to her.  I asked her where she went to get her hair done and the guy who did it is from NY – PERFECT.  So today, I went to get my hair done by a guy from NY recommended from a girl from NY.  I hope this is normal.  It’s my safety blanket.  If you’re from NY I won’t feel like an alien when I talk to you.  I’ll get you.  I miss familiarity and I think that is the biggest struggle.  NOTHING is familiar.

I look at pics from when I was living in the Bronx – I didn’t really love living in the Bronx, but when I look at the pics I think “oh the Bronx!  I wonder what I’d be doing if I lived in the Bronx right now.”  I’d be miserable!  I wanted a change.  I was tired of New York – the only reason why I look back with awe is because it’s familiar.

The house that I’m living in is in Phoenix and is kinda far from everything so I’ve been contemplating moving to a new place.  An opportunity to move to Scottsdale came up and I’m thinking of jumping on it.  And as I’m thinking about it, I realized I’m going to miss this house.  I’ve got a whole lot of room.  I became friends with the girls here.  The dogs one of my roommates dogsits are so cute and I love seeing them every so often.  But I have to remind myself – I hate the drive.  I hate being far from everything.  I’ve been wanting to live in Scottsdale since I interviewed here because that’s where I stayed during my interview – I have to try it out.  Who knows – maybe better things await? I’ll never know unless I try – if I made it out this far – I might as well keep trying.

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#technology

Unplugged

I wonder if during the days when phones were first invented, if people felt that face to face, personal communication was a little lost.  Ya know, like how many of us are feeling now that texting/emailing has become a main form of communication.  I’m kind of sad that we’re losing that piece of real conversation connection and it needs to be forced in order for a phone call to happen.

In my ideal world, a decade from now (or less) researchers, experts and doctors are going to start scaring people into using their phones less.  Like they did with cigarettes!  And then there will be a “technology” or “no technology” section of restaurants… and eventually all restaurants will be considered a “tech free zone”.  If you want to use technology, you must step out of the restaurant.  I really was hopeful that this would happen until I was walking through the airport last month and I noticed that bars and restaurants had iPads at every seat.  It was the saddest thing to see.  My dream of no technology in restaurants was crushed.

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So the other day I was thinking, maybe I should do a Facebook detox.  Now that I have interceptionary – any time I need to share something, I’ll just use interceptionary.  So I attempted it.  Last night, I deactivated.

Then this morning, I realized that if I get people to join this new clothing delivery service that I started using, Stitch Fix, that I would get credit towards my next purchase.  I need Facebook to spread the word!  So I went on and shared the link (with the perks of doing it – I’ll make a post about it tomorrow!)  Then a little while later, I got a message from my friend, Kristin about her twin boys’ birthday party.  I would’ve missed it had I still be deactivated.  I also got to say Happy 109th Birthday to Nonno in heaven which was nice.  Later this evening, while I was at the store when I took a quick peak and saw that I had gotten an invitation to join an event.  I looked it over real quick.  All I saw was Alison McCarthy – Meghan McCarthy… yada yada yada – I thought to myself awesome!  I haven’t seen Meghan in a while – I assumed my friend Meghan was having a party thrown for her by her sister, Alison.

I couldn’t be more wrong.  The event, A Day for Alison wasn’t a birthday party.  It was a request to join as they raise funds for my friend Meghan’s sister, Alison.  She is dying of brain cancer.  She had a seizure 5 days after she gave birth to her first child, and a cat scan revealed that her brain had a very aggressive form of cancer developing.  The first month after she gave birth, after having the seizure she underwent 3 brain separate surgeries.  Immediately after I read through the event I went onto Meghan’s Facebook page to see what was going on.  I was so sad that I didn’t know this was happening.  Although it’s been a couple years since I’ve seen Meghan – when we did see each other last she spoke about her sister and how she was trying to have a baby.  I couldn’t believe the baby was finally born and now that this was the struggle her family was facing.  Her words, “It’s kind of the worst imaginable situation.”  I then went onto Meghan’s brother in law’s blog and read more to find out exactly what state her sister is currently in.  Having a sister, I don’t know how I would deal with something like this.  I just keep thinking that no one should ever have to go through this.  No one should have to watch their child dying.  No one should have to spend their first Christmas as a mom and dad in the hospital wondering if they’ll be there to be a parent the next day.  I feel horrible, but at least now that I know about it, I can try to give some support by sharing their YouCaring page and details of the upcoming event.

So I guess Facebook is a huge form of communication.  And unplugging from it would be like unplugging your phone in 1985.  No one would even think of doing that.  Yes, of course there’s the people who say “if she was such a good friend – you would’ve found out some other way.”  Well, we lost touch the past of couple years – it happens.  That doesn’t mean that I don’t want to help her in any way I can.

So in my quest to “unplug” yesterday I took a bath and was reading through this book I bought called, Unplug Every Day.  (Kinda funny that I just noticed on Amazon they sell the Kindle version.  Guess if you’re reading it on your kindle you haven’t completely unplugged.)  It got me inspired to do some unpluggy kinda things even if I don’t completely deactivate my Facebook account.  One thing that I thought to do even before I thought of unplugging was make a list of people that I’d like to send a birthday, anniversary, etc card to this year – buy all the cards, write them, and have them ready to be sent.  As I was picking out the cards, feeling so proactive about preparing these greeting cards – I thought to myself, that even though this is a great gesture – I’m not being present.  Yes, planning for the future is good but I am expecting that everyone that I want to be around on their birthday will actually be there.  I bought $94 worth of birthday/anniversary cards and came home to the news that my friend may no longer have a sister soon.  Instead of waiting until everyone’s birthday, I think I’ll make a list of people I want to call each week.  You never know when the last time you’ll talk to someone is.  It would be much better if that conversation in person or on the phone.

 

 

 

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